Gaining My Religion: All Jesused Out

It's Sunday night and I feel as if I've abandoned my blog for the sympathetic ears of mankind. I'm such an adulteress.

It has been a rather dense week despite the lack of rehearsals that devour a collective 14 hours of my week. I have made my spiritual journey and have come out enlightened, informed, and more respectful.

I attended Hopewell Baptist Church on Monday with Christian and Jessica because Chris(tian) told me that Jamey Ragle was going to be there, he incorporates stand-up comedy into his sermon, you should come, Lee! Like I said, I did, and really enjoyed it. The congregation at Hopewell was incredibly friendly and informal. I felt welcome as soon as I walked through the door and I really liked that. Ragle was entertaining and I liked what he had to say about virtues in general. Thus, when he said he was going to be doing another set on Wednesday, I told Chris I'd go with him. I like entertainment, I like agreeing with people, I like the camaraderie of my friends, and it's not like I can fuck up in church.

Wednesday, we sit down in the second to last row in the back. It was Denise (Jill's friend), Jill (Chris's ma), Chris, Me, Vivian, Beth, Jessica, and Mike and we took up half a poor excuse for a pew (it's not a pew until it's made of wood and I bash my knee on it). There was a larger crowd than Monday and two rows in front of us there were a handful of bikers (and apparently there's a group of bikers called God's Rolling Thunder who congregate in a bar)! The service begins with lots of songs that are poppy and uplifting. And I love this feeling everyone is getting (except for Vivian who found the service to be awkward but I can understand why she ducked out), the vibe in the room, and how, in general, communities conglomerate together in this communitas in a peaceful manner. Nobody with torches and pitchforks. Everyone smiling, waving, embracing, shaking hands.

Jamey, the traveling evangelist, goes into the pulpit and goes into his schtick. He tells his jokes, makes fun of his wife, and talks about people stepping into stupid.

Now, my view of the Bible (or any holy book, for that matter) is that if you take religion out of it, the stories are all fables. They teach you good values to live by not out of fear of unholy wrath but just the sheer guilt of knowing that you have betrayed your fellow man and you have to live with that. So when we read these passages, I weed out the parts about Jesus and absorb the rest.

The service has gone on for about an hour and Jamey decides to pray for people. If the opportunity for someone to pray for me arises, I say go right ahead. We all pray to the same god essentially and a prayer can't hurt anyone. So I raise my hand, thinking, "Sure! Pray for me! Ain't no harm in it!"

Then he asks us to come pray by him. And I find myself walking up to the pulpit, past hundreds of pairs of eyes watching me as I go to kneel on these steps. I see Mike crying and I see Jamey's tiny eyes and enormous, God-fearing body as he has us bow our heads and recite the words he says.

At first the prayer was fine. It was all, "Thank you this and forgive me that and I'm not worthy" and then he says

"AND I ACCEPT JESUS CHRIST AS MY LORD AND SAVIOR."

Now my recitation at this time had tapered off. Just like with the Pledge of Allegiance, I pay attention to the words that come out of my mouth. Immediately, I felt sick. I rose and saw Chris barreling down the aisle with his arms outstretched and the happiest boyish face I'd ever seen him sport as he bear-hugged me and Beth amidst the resounding applause of the congregation. I whispered to Beth," Tell me why I did that." And she said, "It felt good."

But it didn't. I felt like I had committed mutiny to my beliefs. I can't accept Jesus as my savior because I don't believe in that. If I have a burden, if I fuck up, if anything happens to me, that's fate that I alone must resolve and it should not be placed on someone else's shoulders. God will provide wisdom, signs, and small interventions, but he's not going to just take away my problems. I am responsible for what I do. I think that life is a struggle that once you get past an obstacle you are stronger, wiser, and can take on further challenges. Accepting Christ for me is like a cheat sheet; I just can't do it. I'm happy for people who find faith in Christianity but I can't. I'm supposed to be a good person just not to be an evil one and I don't want to have a get out of jail free card. I want to serve my term, get my parole, precariously finish my probation and be all the wiser for it.

So I go back to my seat with Jill and then went outside for some air. She came looking for me afterwards and I told her that I felt like I betrayed myself because, since I was ten, I have considered myself Jewish.

She says, "You want to go to Temple? I'll take you to Temple."

So Friday, I go with her to Congregation Beth Hallel, a Messianic Jewish Temple. Messianic Jews= Jews for Jesus. But it's the closest to Jew I'm going to get this week so I might as well go!

I absolutely loved it! All the kitchy traditions were part of the service and pretty much, it was a Jewish ceremony; the only difference is that they believe Yeshua (Jesus) was the only one to ascend to God's side. I loved the antics of Rabbi Solomon, I loved the music, I loved the small congregation, I loved the cantor, I loved the funny yarmulkes, I loved it, loved it, loved it. I felt so much more a part of something there. Although, I loved it though, I would like to test-drive some more temples.

I returned to Scott and Kayna's and yesterday, when they came to pick me up for hang outs, Rob and Scott put coffee filters on their heads and blasted Hava Nagilah from the car. Then Rob went, "Oh look! A penny!"
To which I replied, "Don't make me put you all in the goddamn ashtray."
Scott: "Oh yeah, Rob. This is a Volkswagen."

I went to Hopewell again this morning because I ended up sleeping over at Jessica's with Mike and Chris. The same Monday tripod attended 11:00 service. The pastor was less engaging and talked about tithing more than I cared to listen to so I started reading the Bible from Genesis. There are a lot of allusions in literature to the Bible and so I think I may actuall read it from an English language standpoint.

But I have heard enough about Jesus Christ to last me till his birthday. I could be up for a mosque, though.