I have been indescribably busy these past few days and I feel as if I haven’t achieved anything at all. I think I broke up with Adrian by being a heartless bitch and leaving him a voicemail. If he doesn’t check it, it’s his loss if I start dating someone else. He could make an effort and, for want of a better phrase, grow the fuck up. Relationships are about give and take and I give a lot. If he knew how stupid I was and how I made decisions based on him before we were dating, I wonder how he’d feel. I know that I am young and I have a lot to learn but I do know that just being reliable and communicating with someone is a good basis for a relationship. I’ll miss his company and his bemusing comments but he clearly does not want anything to do with me. Rip that Band-Aid off and pick off that scab.
Rehearsal is going fantastically well. I am learning more about my cast mates everyday and I love learning about different people. And I’ll be working with these people in the future so I guess I should get to know them now! Many a cute guy in cast. And I believe many of them are straight too so that’s wonderful as well as ironic. You’d think a bunch of male theatre majors would lean the other way.
I’m devouring the same information from articles and excerpts in my performance studies class. How many ways can one possibly embellish on how every action we perform in day-to-day life can be interpreted as performance? I hope not all my summaries and reflections sound the same. Because that’s how these articles sound to me…
I have an in-class essay about John Keats and his poetry tomorrow in English. He’s a whiny emo bitch who died wheezing and enjoyed finding inanimate, non-sentient objects more beautiful than he was. He didn’t need a bully to tell him he would never amount to anything; he does that on his own. Self-deprecating poetry is depressing and I do not want to walk out of a class filled with loathing and self-doubt. I want to feel enlightened and gain some insight. The ironic thing about his poetry is that it was written during the period of Romanticism- the pinnacle of the Enlightenment period! More irony for thought! I hope I rock my essay, though. I know the logistics of it. I just need to organize everything in that nice formulaic style and actually touch on everything. I want to get an A badly because I arrogantly think that I am better than many of the people in that class. I hope I don’t get in trouble with thoughts like that because I know when I’m good at something, I can get cocky.
I suppose that’s sufficient for five days without a word to say.
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